Posts tagged big box

By Dan Kinem



The second I pulled this VHS out of the box and saw the misprinted tape label that read “Foxing Boxing,” I knew this was going to be as cheesy, fun, and sleazy as humanly possible. And it did not disappoint. The whole idea of foxy boxing is genius: take two girls who are as pissed as possible and throw them in a ring with hardly any clothes on. Not only were all the contestants on Foxy Boxing ferocious fighters, but none of them would give up. While their moves of slapping and hair pulling might only do minimal damage compared to professional boxing blows, these women still go through way more than I could ever handle. There’s bloodshed, biting, and boobs a plenty.



What pushes this particular female boxing video above all the rest is the fact the “biggest porn star in the world,” Traci Lords, is the round girl! This was shot before she was found out to be underage and released after she was arrested. Traci looks wonderful and even gets into the action at one point. For those that don’t know, Traci Lords is one of my favorite actresses of all-time, so just the fact she was on this tape made me do everything in my power to get it and watch it.



There are four glorious matches: The luscious Jasmine taking on the delicious Ice Cream Girl; The New Wave Knockout challenging Marilyn, the blonde bombshell; The Fighting Feline taking on the world champion Sugar Ray Renee; and the outrageous Kona the Barbarian letting loose on the Boxing Babe. They pretend to have rules, but the very second the fighting starts not only do their head gear and gloves fly off, they start pulling each others’ hair and body slamming one another. All of their bikini bottoms are tight and their shirts are see-through/non-existent, just the way I like them. And for once, most of the girls are actually attractive.

All of the fights are entertaining, but they go by pretty quickly. The majority of the video is taken up with the girls’ entrances. They come dressed in different outfits, tease the pathetic guys in the audience who actually think the girls care about them, and then strip down to almost nothing to fight. The second and last match are the highlights. The second match, between the New Wave Knockout and Marilyn, is absolutely insane. New Wave Knockout does not know how to fight at all! All she does is flail her arms like a freak and hope to hit something…but she plays dirty. She bites Marilyn’s ass at one point and even gives her a painful-looking wedgie that would paralyze even the strongest of men.



I don’t want to undersell the last match, but it’s one of the best of all-fucking-time. The girls are out for blood and within seconds are topless — boobs bouncing. It gets so intense that Kona grabs Traci Lords, rips her shirt off, and gets her involved with the fight! I don’t know whether or not it was originally intended to show Traci’s boobs, but of course after the scandal they had to cut away from them. Still, Traci and the cleverly-titled, Boxing Babe, are a team you don’t want to step to. They’re the Suge Knight and Tupac of foxy boxing. It’s violent, intense, and rivals any other wrestling match I’ve ever seen. And tell me, where else do you get to see two sweaty, topless fighters wailing on one another for 10 minutes straight?



The sleazy announcer who narrates all the fights is hilarious, too. He makes fun of the referee and the audience nearly the entire time that he isn’t drooling over Traci Lords. “This guy loves Traci, he’s probably seen all her movies and will go home tonight and think about her while he’s laying alone in his wet bed.” He’s the most condescending and snarky bastard, but I love it. One of the girls even tries to attack him at one point and he runs away like a little bitch while still taunting her! It’s priceless.



As advertised, there’s an entire original soundtrack including the classic song, “Foxy Boxing,” which just repeats those words over and over again. The majority of the music sounds like slight variations to the theme song for GUTS. The front of the box says War has a song on the soundtrack, but either they forgot to include it or I was too distracted by the females to hear it. I would have shit if they had played “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” during a match.

This VHS was released in a big box by the super rare company, Premiere Entertainment Group, Inc. (Monster, Chooper, Revenge of the Zombie, Devil’s Nightmare). They formed this sub-label, Main Event Video, for what I’d assume is the sole release under that name. If you’re into girls beating each others’ asses and tearing each others’ clothes off, then this VHS is for you (so it’s for everybody is basically what I’m saying). The fact something like this would never get a DVD release is yet another reason why VHS is the best.

(Source: vhshitfest.com)

By Dan Kinem



It’s been way too long since the last sex comedy review, and what better way to kick it off then with the radical, racy, and reckless, Summer School! The whole three R’s thing doesn’t actually work for me. I would much rather go with my own list (which you need to learn, ‘cause there’ll be a test on it), “The Five B’s”… Babes, boobs, butts, bikinis, and beaches! All of which this movie is loaded with.



You know you’re off to a good start when a bunch of teens pull up in a van and go sprinting onto the beach and bust into a free-for-all frisbee match. No holds barred. Teens are diving, ripping off bikini tops in that fun, free-spirited sexual harassment kind of way, and getting mouthfuls of sand in the process. That’s how you know it’s intense. They even cut high school to do it. Our two leads are Steve (John Laughlin’s first role) and Anita (Shelly Horner’s only role). They don’t know each other, but fall in love instantly while at the beach. It’s no surprise why Steve likes her… she has huge boobs. You know who else has boobs, though? Steve’s girlfriend, who doesn’t take kindly to this new bitch’s flirtatious ways. She vows to ruin Anita’s life. And pretty much succeeds.



Now I should get this out of the way. I will never understand the whole 70s van culture, especially after seeing this movie. Correct me if I’m wrong, but, according to this movie, there were gangs of girls who were obsessed with pickup trucks and gangs of guys who were obsessed with vans, and they often would get in violent altercations because of it? This seems highly unlikely and completely ridiculous, which is why I like it so much.

Anita has it really hard, and I mean really, really hard. In her first week at her new job she gets raped by the sleazeball boss because she asks for her check, then Steve’s girlfriend and her friends chase Anita with their van and try to kill her by running her off the road, then she gets home and her dad flips out on her and won’t believe anything she tells him. Don’t worry, it gets worse. Her and Steve are hitting it off, despite the fact Steve still has a girlfriend. They go to a creek to make out and, of course, Steve tries to feel her up. She stops him, but he keeps forcing it. She says she doesn’t want to do it, so he “romantically” throws her into the creek and forces her to have sex.



Steve is as sexist and sleazy as they come. He not only basically forced Anita to have sex with him while he still is dating someone, he also delivered this brilliant exchange of ideas:

Steve: Chicks aren’t supposed to be tough!
Random girl: Why not?!
Steve: ‘Cause guys won’t like ‘em.
Random girl: I get laid once in a while.
Steve: If chicks were supposed to be tough, God would have given them muscles.
Random girl: We got muscles where it counts!

Did the head writer for Hustler magazine pen this movie?!



Steve’s idiotic girlfriend finds out they had sex, so she lies to the cops and says Steve is selling coke. When the cops bust Steve, she blames it on Anita. Instead of asking Anita if it’s true or confronting her, he and all of his friends RAPE HER. They literally have a high speed chase which involves jumping between the vans and pickups and crossing ropes, then they throw Anita to the ground and rip all of her clothes off and rape her.

In school the next day they happen to be discussing rape, which makes all of the people involved start arguing and results in a huge cat fight between Steve’s girlfriend and Anita, which Anita gets blamed and expelled for. Then, the pickup girls decide to have a “drag out” with the guys, which apparently is a tug o’ war between cars across a giant pit. The loser fucking dies. Yeah, this movie got even more fucking insane, but it doesn’t stop there. Anita still has feelings for Steve and in order to stop the rival gangs from killing one another, she drives her fucking car into the pit to commit suicide. Steve runs down there to see if she’s okay and finds out she’s still barely alive. Everyone jumps in the air because she is still breathing, and the movie ends. Yep, you heard me right. This is one of the most insane and fucked-up movies I’ve ever seen. I could not believe my eyes when I saw this suicide attempt or when I found out Anita still liked Steve after he raped her twice and almost killed all of her friends. I applaud this movie for being so ridiculous and highly recommend it to anyone into cult/exploitation cinema.



Summer School is also known as Mag Wheels (terrible title), and was the last movie from one of my favorite directors, Bethel Buckalew, and with a name like that it’s no surprise he got his start in the 70s directing hixploitation sex comedies like Midnight Plowboy, Country Cuzzins, and The Pigkeeper’s Daughter. In all of his movies he comes across as one of the most misogynistic, sexist, sleazeballs ever, but damn does he make entertaining films.

The movie is actually fairly rare on VHS and hard to come by. It was released in a big box through Active Home Video and has that fantastic cover art. Active tried to promote this like a straight-up hilarious comedy and even compared it to Porky’s and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. This movie is nothing like either of those. It’s in a category all by itself and honestly no one should try to compare it to anything. The movie was released on DVD in a Drive-In Grindhouse four-movie pack, with The Farmer’s Other Daughter, Psychedelic Fever, and Up Yours. I’d go with this VHS, though, because you not only get the great cover, you also get an excellent trailer reel from Active (linked at the bottom).

This movie literally has everything: rape, car chases, an original rock soundtrack by the band The Word, a nerdy pledge who gets paddled, pinball, skateboarding, and of course, The Five B’s. What were those again? You were supposed to fucking learn them! Babes, boobs, butts, bikinis, and beaches! What’s so hard to understand?! Go see this movie.

(The trailer features some great nudity!)

(Source: vhshitfest.com)